Can Sappy Self-Help Mantras Ever Become A Reality?

“Just love yourself more.”

“You’re worth it.”

“Believe in yourself.” 

How many times have you heard one of these self-help mantras and thought, “That’s great, but HOW do I get to a place mentally where I truly believe these things and I’m not just saying them?” And that is the hard part. Figuring out the how to of getting into a headspace where you are prioritizing your mental and physical needs and making the appropriate amount of “you time” for quality of life.

The answer is simple, but not easy, and there are a definite series of steps. 

First, you must take very specific actions (it doesn’t matter if they are small at first) to get comfortable with the notion of taking time for you. Some people feel it’s selfish, some have been shamed or guilted for it in their past, some think of it as lazy, and while it’s none of those things you can’t just snap your fingers and change your mind. You have to gradually stretch your emotional fabric overtime to get comfortable with unplugging from time to time and putting your needs on the top of the list. 

Now, obviously this is kind of a chicken and egg conversation because you have to get the moment of inspiration that pushes you to take the actions of self-care to begin with. So… the second step is getting inspired. Start thinking of your why. How will your life improve by taking a bit more down-time. How will a happier and more relaxed you ultimately be better for your career, family, and friends? I go for the jugular with myself sometimes – If I died tomorrow what would be my regrets? Would I regret not spending more time in the office? Or would I regret not stealing away for a day in the middle of the week to take my kid to the beach and creating a memory that will last a lifetime?

Then, when you have mustered up the motivation to take the first plunge have a game plan. Start small to build your comfort level and carve out chunks of time for you to engage in at least 4 activities for 20 minutes to an hour over the course of your week that are about you and you only. These should range from the following: A hobby, a doctors appointment (YES THIS IS A BIG ONE), a beauty appointment (like a mani pedi), a girls or guys night out, binge-watching a show and vegging out like a blob, get a workout in, taking a bubble bath and doing some at home spa treatments… ultimately it doesn’t matter as long as it recharges you mentally and physically. 

The very act of doing these things will retrain you to get more comfortable with them and allow you to build on these actions over time. And the very action and experience of feeling cared for and pampered will gradually enhance your feelings of confidence and worth – so we go from a viscous cycle to a virtuous one. And while we can’t always put ourselves first, it isn’t an all or nothing equation either. Every little bit counts. 

That said, there should be a minimum amount of time you dedicate to yourself weekly that I would like you to work up towards. Maybe you have heard me talk about my 12 Hour Rule. It works as follows: You have 112 waking hours in a week if you are sleeping 8 hours a night. That leaves 50 hours for a crazy work week, another 50 hours for family, and 12 left over solely for you. I have found that those 12 hours are enough over the course of the month for me to care for my health with doctors appointments when needed, workouts, hygiene care (nails, brows, hair cuts etc), date nights, and friend time. 

So, while it won’t be easy at first, start out small and build up over time. You will be amazed at how quickly you feel better, healthier, happier, and more energized. Simultaneously, this time to recharge will allow you to feel better in all facets of your life from career to parenthood.